I miss my mom so much that it makes me feel I am experiencing late onset post partum depression. I am sorry Milly my daughter if lately I have been cranky and ill-tempered most especially if you start to cry or wouldn’t eat your food. This is not what I have imagined. This week has been a challenge for me, and for some reasons, this sadness I feel right now is starting to consume me. I’ve always want to kiss and cuddle with you.I feel boxed-in right now, suffocated with what is happening with my life right now. I just miss my family. My old family. My brother, my papa and mama. How I wish I could go back to the time where worrying and sadness is not my thing. I feel unworthy, taken for granted and with no support group. Sometimes, I want to break down but I know deep in my heart that I have to be strong for you. I still have you and your dad, and I think that is more than enough.
I am not sure if this is just the hormones talking right now, but I am sure the way I feel right now is not because of you. I am unhappy right now, but it doesn’t mean I am unhappy with you. Even at my crankiest days and say “why do you keep on crying” at my loud voice, I still love you. I love you in the midst of my sadness right now. I may feel sad right now, but I am going to make sure you know what love is all about. My arms may feel weak, but I will continue putting them around you. I may be exhausted from work but I will never get tired of carrying you. I will continue to kiss you despite the sadness I feel right now. I will never keep these feelings and I will continue to cry so it will wash away the fears and blues I have right now. You are my strength and I know I can overcome this longingness. As long as I have you and your dad, I know that is already enough to fill in the missing pieces of my life right now.