Wednesday, February 25, 2015

A sense of longing

I miss my mom so much that it makes me feel I am experiencing late onset post partum depression. I am sorry Milly my daughter if lately I have been cranky and ill-tempered most especially if you start to cry or wouldn’t eat your food. This is not what I have imagined. This week has been a challenge for me, and for some reasons, this sadness I feel right now is starting to consume me. I’ve always want to kiss and cuddle with you.I feel boxed-in right now, suffocated with what is happening with my life right now. I just miss my family. My old family. My brother, my papa and mama. How I wish I could go back to the time where worrying and sadness is not my thing. I feel unworthy, taken for granted and with no support group. Sometimes, I want to break down  but I know deep in my heart that I have to be strong for you. I still have you and your dad, and I think that is more than enough. 

I am not sure if this is just the hormones talking right now, but I am sure the way I feel right now is not because of you. I am unhappy right now, but it doesn’t mean I am unhappy with you. Even at my crankiest days and say “why do you keep on crying” at my loud voice, I still love you. I love you in the midst of my sadness right now. I may feel sad right now, but I am going to make sure you know what love is all about. My arms may feel weak, but I will continue putting them around you. I may be exhausted from work but I will never get tired of carrying you. I will continue to kiss you despite the sadness I feel right now. I will never keep these feelings and I will continue to cry so it will wash away the fears and blues I have right now. You are my strength and I know I can overcome this longingness. As long as I have you and your dad, I know that is already enough to fill in the missing pieces of my life right now. 

7 comments:

  1. What a sweet message to your little girl. She's very lucky to have a mommy like you :)

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  2. Hugs! It's okay to feel cranky once in a while! I also felt this way after I gave birth to my little girl. Just hang in there and try to think happy thoughts. It also helps if you talk to friends and women who went through the same thing. Blogging also helps release pent up emotions. You'll get through it! :)

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  3. Awww... Don't worry, that's just the hormones talking. You'll just have to have better faith in God, and I know you can ccope up with it too. You have my support and I'm quite sure you also have your husband's suport as well. just let him know how are you feeling and it'll be alright :)

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  4. Hi, I came across your article and just felt the need to tell you that you are not alone. I've had my fair share of depression after a decade of being married and 3 kids. When my optimistic outlook on life suddenly soured, I didn't just do the usual psychological approach - I checked on my nutrition which surprisingly after tons of research, I found out plays a key role in maintaining my moods. I found out I was Vitamin D deficient, I needed sunlight, badly. So I did, and I went back to normal. But it isn't just Vitamin D, it could be from different nutrient deficiencies. A healthy lifestyle truly is a key factor in staying happy. Stock up on chocolates, it makes people happy, science backs it up. Prayers, tons of prayers help a great deal. Anything is possible through Jesus Christ. Hope this helps. God bless.

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  5. It's ok to feel sadness evey now and then and it's good that you're acknowledging it so the people around you can show thei support. Smile mommy, this too shall pass! Ü

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  6. things will begin to look up eventually, promise! as hard as it seems, just try not to focus on the bad and instead try your best to find the good in everything. :)

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  7. Hello there Mommy, sometime it really happen that we feel sad, but I suggest you to just pray
    and lift everything up to the LORD.. cheer up !!

    http://jocrisworld.blogspot.com/

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