I fell in the top up trap

I did my best to supply her with my milk for more than 8 months.

Since I gave birth, I’ve been religiously pumping my milk every 3 hours which actually eats up the time that I am supposed to spend with my husband and daughter and chores in between. Imagine, 8 months of pumping in and outside the house. It’s like I have an inseparable relationship with my breast pump and I am just not yet ready to let go of it. I’ve been doing my best to re-gain the milk supply I had before but I guess there will really come a time when a mom’s milk will start to dwindle. They say that as long as your baby latches on you, your milk supply won’t dry up but my case is different here. (I am an exclusively pumping mom. I breastfeed my daughter through bottlefeeding) :) 

Sounds weird eh? Some might think that I am over reacting, but I am pro-breastfeeding/breastmilk. I feel sad every time I see the amount of milk that comes out of my breasts, and unlike before where I can pump 10-12 oz of milk per session, I am only able to get 1oz of liquid gold right now.  I am not sure what I did wrong, but I know for sure that I fell in the top up trap. So to all breast feeding moms out there, please trust me, because the top up trap is so true.

Here’s a good illustration of the top up trap.

The more you mix feed, the less milk your body will produce. Every ounce of formula you give is one ounce that you told your body not to produce. Do not fall into the Top Up Trap.

When my daughter started taking solids, I've started supplementing her with formula milk to save myself from pumping. There were times that I felt tired and fed up saving milk stash every now and then so it was a relief for me to skip and lessen my pumping session. I was confident that my milk won’t drop because ever since I started pumping, I’ve had a very good milk supply (knowing that I am an exclusively pumping mom).  When I started to mixed fed her, that’s when I noticed that my milk started to dwindle.  I continued my daily routine schedules of pumping milk but I was only netting a total of 4 oz of breast milk per day and I tell you, that amount is very unusual for me. Partly, I'd like to blame myself for losing the supply I had before but I always say to myself that I did my best just to give her the best milk. I had sacrificed a lot of things by pumping milk and I tell you, being an exclusively pumping mom is no-joke and I'd like to commend myself for that.

Take a look at my milk supply before:

Was able to pump this for only 15 minutes; 1 breast only. 

I even donated 90 plus Bags of breastmilk to preemie babies and some baby friends.

and here's how little I get right now. Such a drastic change.

I tried saving my milk by taking lactation drinks and munching on lactation cookies. I’ve increased my water intake and added more pumping sessions. Took some malunggay capsules and eat soupy dishes. But for some reasons, I can not produce more milk.  I've always planned to save milk for my daughter until she turns two years old. I actually look at it as a disappointment because I wasn’t able to reach my goal but what's important is that I was able to give her pure breastmilk until the age of 6 months.

Right now, I am still in the process of re-gaining back my milk supply. I just can't let go and separate ways with my pump.  I still want to give what's best for my daughter. I may not yield enough milk for her, but what's important is I can still give her my precious milk. I tell you, this is not an easy feat for me but I know that I can make it.

 Mother knows best and I know deep in my heart that I gave what’s best for my baby, and will continue giving that to her.