Ma, I miss you so much

The night before my mom died, she touched my stomach and uttered the words: "Apo, lagi mo iingatan ang mommy mo ha. Wag mo sya papahirapan" 

 I should be happy for my mom now that she's in God's care. It's only been 2 weeks since she died, and everything is still vivid. I know it wouldn't be an easy journey for me, but I'm very thankful to have good friends, in laws and of course my loving husband who support me and help me how to move on and to live my life without my mom. The only thing that makes me sad is the fact that she wasn't able to hug and kiss my baby bean. She was too excited to see and take care of her apo. 

Mama, I miss you so much. I know it's not easy living without you, but I have to move on. It's not that we are forgetting you but its a matter of pressing forward and leaving what is behind. I know you are in a better place right now. No more pains from injecting insulin 3x a day and taking too much medicines everyday. You can now eat whatever you want now that you're in heaven. I love you so much mama, and I promise to be a good mom just like you. You will always be my idol and my superwoman. I promise not to cry too much and to be sad for the sake of your apo. 

Til we meet again, ma!. 

Love, Kat

Here's a poem that I saw online that made me smile once again after my mom died. Again ma, I promise to be strong not just for myself, but also for your apo. 

I am learning how to live

In a new way

Since that day

You were taken away.

I am learning how to live

With the things left unsaid

Knowing I got to say them

With every tear that I shed.

I am learning how to live

By embracing the pain

Knowing that you live on

Through the memories that remain.

I am learning how to live

Knowing I will never again see your face

And I have peace knowing

You’re in a better place.

I am learning how to live

Knowing you’re in God’s care

It gives me the strength to move on

And makes the pain much easier to bear.